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the past few weekends, I have been really good about not working. I am tired of internalizing capitalist narratives that dictate that we complain/brag about how busy we are and work work work. I've stopped tracking my work hours (except for paid work) and take whole days off and it feels really good and fresh and free. yes, I feel guilty and strange a lot of the time, yes I still have nebulous anxiety about all the things I could be doing, yes I still feel totally tempted to talk about how many hours I used to average a week as a badge of honor (ugh my colonized self is the worst), but I'm taking small steps.
after having rage dreams about a toxic person in my life once a month for years, I had a dream last night where, instead of trying desperately to get this person to hear me/change, I calmly told them that I could not change their behavior and until they helped themselves I couldn't let them into my life anymore. "I've told you to see a therapist and get help and until you do that I can't do this anymore." didn't wake up with my heart pounding and feeling sad and powerless. progress progress progress. unclenching and letting go. (also this commission is ready to head out the door finally yay)